I Take It Back

Today a guy acquaintance of mine called me ugly. Just flat out told me I was ugly. "You're ugly". The last guy who called me ugly, sad that it's happened more than once, well I punched him then started crying. And that's what I did the second time around. Cried in sadness, frustration and irritation. I allow myself to call myself ugly, then sweep away all the insults I give myself  under the rug. 'Enough self pity little girl, the world is rooting for you'. But to have your biggest insecurity confirmed and announced to a table of your friends, it just makes makes me have one more reason to hurt myself. But I would never end my life or hurt myself for that matter. Life, when you get rid of all the assholes, is pretty nice.

But then his friend just had to add "Well you know what they say, the truth hurts.". I just lashed out, I screamed in his face grabbed my backpack and walked as calmly as I could away from that part of my life. If I don't have to see those two ever again I am positive I'll lead a happier life.

I hope my fever doesn't come back. I hate my fever.

Well This Is Awkward

It seems that I am in a completely new place. Everyone's happy, everyone is well, what I wanted them to be. Happy. But now that people pair up like this I know it's only natural for them to lose dependency on me. It's akin to watching your children grow and leave. But I'm happy, they're happy. We get together less, I get ditched more often. But it's nice to see the smiles they get when they're happy.

What is the point of your needs when the people you love are happy?

And now all I can do is be happy. Because that's what I want to be. Happy.