Infatuation or Obsession

It's hard to tell what I feel. Is it possible to have enough love for two people. 

My feelings for you have not diminished nor have they faded. I still love you with all my heart, when I dream there you are, when I want I think of you. But when I'm with him it's almost the same, I never want our time to stop. When I'm with him it's almost like the beginning with you. 

Maybe it's the newness of the thing, something I have yet to find out. With you I have the comfort of familiarity, with him I have the landmines of guessing. 

I had a dream where I had lost my glasses going swimming, and I picked up someone else'. The pair were crooked and one of its arms was the wrong way around. But I could still see with them, they were my grade. And all I could think of was that I hoped the person found my glasses in exchange.

I Want So Many Things

This is going to be one of those annoying girl posts.

I want so many things. To hold you. To be with you. To have the ability to kiss you. 

There's a quote like that, it goes something like

 'I don't wish to kiss you. To kiss you would be the end. For if I kiss you I may find myself unable to stop. Kissing you would become a habit and I never can break habits.'

 That is how I feel. Once I start I will not stop until every fiber of your being was mine. I would not stop until the only name you could utter was mine. I would not stop until the only person you could love would be me. But you don't deserve a monster, I will keep that moment with me and adore you from afar. 

I kissed a boy and I liked it. The end.

I Had A Weird Dream

It was the end of the world.

We were running house to house, all of them were empty and expensive. We had to rest eventually, I counted my team. My older sister all she had with her was her backpack of supplies and a pencil case full of her teaching materials. My little sisters with their smaller backpacks. My cousin who was eating something out of a can. And my grandmother who was trying her best to rest in the dining room. 

The end of the world was different from how people imagined it, there were no zombies and no Christians flew into the sky. The sky would not have approved. The sky rained fire from the clouds, fire and lightning storms. The cloud would travel along with us, at the moment it was directly behind us and we had two choices, stay inside and hope the house would protect us or keep trying to outrun the cloud of destruction. I chose to stay in the house, my little sister thought I was insane. We move faster than that cloud does, let's go she said. I just looked at our grandmother and that shut her up. But the moment the cloud was overhead I knew I had made the wrong decision. The lightning struck right through the roof and scorched the floor. We ran.

We ran away from the cloud and into Scrapper territory. Scrappers were the looters and gangs that harassed the survivors and took what they want. They were downhill in the valley and the cloud was coming in fast. My older sister dropped her pencil case and pens rolled everywhere. I picked one up and handed it to her, shove this into their throat if one of them get's close. It turned out my advice wasn't needed, the only Scrappers there were two women sitting in a Humvee. We crouched and ran away from the camp and made our way uphill to the top. There was a step water fall and I climbed up, my grandmother followed suit. But instead of going straight up the waterfall I chose to go right and kept climbing, the water here was slower making it easier to climb. The next thing I know we're in an airship soaking wet.

When the end began people took to the seas and the sky and we had just stumbled on one of the very first to fly. It was a giant, bigger than anything I've ever seen. We walked through the worker bay and no one gave us a second glance. Through the door we made it to the lobby. There were so many people, it was amazing and jaw-dropping after only having my family for company the past few weeks. Adults walked arm in arm while children ran in between and children in school uniforms walked with their noses buried in their books. We chose to store our bags in the workers bay to attract less attention. I walked up to the concierge and tried not to look out of place with my wet hair and clothes and took a pamphlet they had on the desk. 

We were on a cruise ship, everything on earth could be found on the ship. I read through the pamphlet and found they offered jobs and education. I walked back to my family and took it upon myself never to alert the staff that we were stowaways. We were safe on the airship if the pilot could always avoid the cloud and I didn't want to be thrown back out. I grabbed my cousin and tried to look like we were on a stroll while we investigated the school. I let my older sister take charge with the other group to try and find accommodations. 

They were divided by age and by their taken education. I found where my little sisters had to go but how to enroll them. We got an enrollment slip and started filling it out for my little sisters and I bumped into an old friend. It was Mike and I tried to get Mike to help us. How did he get on the ship? Where did he live and how did he know where to go? How do we survive? He didn't remember me. 

We had enrolled my little sisters and made our way back to the lobby. They had found the living quarters. It looked like a long corridor of hotel rooms, the plan was to find one that was empty and claim it. But before we could find one I saw Drestel walking arm in arm with a girl I didn't recognize, Drestel and Mike weren't particularly rich, they must have found a way to stay. We had found a room, retrieved our bags and settled in. I had walked out just to find more food, my little sisters had raided the mini fridge, and I bumped into my old RA ate Karen. My hair had dried out and I looked like a girl getting ready to hit the arcade, but ate Karen was so surprised to see me she immediately took me on a tour. She had special access because she worked on the ship. She brought me to the compaction area and showed me how the trash was compacted and then used to run the ship. I asked for a job then and there.

I started crying the moment ate Karen couldn't see me, I had done it. I saved my little sisters, they were going to finish school and we were going to be safe until this all blew over. I was crying and crying because I missed our parents, I cried because I didn't even know if they were still alive. I cried because I missed all of the other people I loved and couldn't save. I cried the most because I did not save Darren, if he was dead what would I do? I stopped crying, because it was impossible that he would be dead. He joined an organization for this very reason, they would save him, and I would see him again. And we would get married like we promised. 

I found a convenience store and nicked a few things and went back to our room, we would live.