What Happens When the Party's Over?

Well tonight was grad ball. And I am glad to say I looked smashing :). But it has come and gone and I feel content. In a few days I'll experience the increased sadness that will come from graduating high school. I don't know what to feel. But maybe I can find out after writing a bit more about my night.

It was fun, people were there and we loved the food and the place and well the presentations were nice. Everyone was clamoring for a grad pic or a message on their handy dandy CD cases. I really wish I had more than one dance with ex-boyfriend though, I wanted to keep talking. The feel of his hand was different and his voice not what I remembered. His eyes and face had changed. He was not the boy I remembered. But it's good that way, knowing that the boy I knew and broke my heart over doesn't exist anymore. And as soon as I went to find Ducky after that I knew I had what was right for me right there. Ducky is what makes me HAPPY.

I got lots of creative pics :D. So proud of myself. And a friend of mine almost got a seizure from all the flashing lights but over all it was a fun night.

I know what I'm feeling now. I really wanted that night to last longer. But everyone must feel that way. Last moments should always be longer.

A Bit More

Well I haven't had a proper time me time in what feels like months. It's so difficult to not just go and do what I want. But then there's so little I want to do that I actually have to come back just for something to do. I have so few wants in my life. I should fix that probably :)).

But I am content. Tomorrow I am gonna have me some cake. So yeah I'm getting some me time :)

Stupid Imaginary Conversations

I've just read something from two to three years ago. I never knew that's what was happening to you. I never knew because I never really went beyond my phone and its capabilities. I chose to kept my life as simple as possible, so I never knew what you were saying, wishing, or hoping for. You weren't all that brave. You started it, ended it, and snatched whatever wholeness I had around a year ago. And you wished you could take it all back, but you didn't.

You didn't.

And now I'm happier, as whole as I can be after everything. It's strange for me to have you two talking about me behind my back, but I can't control him, he has the right to do what he wants. And yet I can't help but still think about it, and I don't think it's ever gonna go away. Not until I get used to you again as my best friend.

You were one of my best friends. And yeah four out of five isn't as fun.

And as your best friend I will always wish for your happiness. Always. And you will probably be my biggest what if.

And because you or anybody else is ever gonna find this, I just wanted to say that I missed you everyday you didn't put things right. And that if I was raised to be American, I would chase after you, even after all that, just to hear you tell me you love me again.

This is retarded

What If....

What if the one that got away

Came back....

--------FUDGE YOU TUMBLR -_-

My Feet Still Hurt

I heard the rumors again and again. They were all bad. But last night was actually much better than what we could ever do last year. It was a long night of fun. I loved it. I wore a pretty dress, you were looking more dapper and handsome than usual. You picked me up and brought me home. You chose out a lovely corsage. You also hit me in the face with a rose. Twice. But I forgive you. I love you too much to hold grudges on a night like that. You also spilled water on me while dancing the macarena but you apologized and I got dry. You're cute when you're begging for forgiveness XD. 

But what was weird last night was him. You and him talk a lot so it seems. I think I am disturbed by that. But I'm most disturbed as to why he seems to be trying to patch things up with me even though I have you.

I Take It Back

Today a guy acquaintance of mine called me ugly. Just flat out told me I was ugly. "You're ugly". The last guy who called me ugly, sad that it's happened more than once, well I punched him then started crying. And that's what I did the second time around. Cried in sadness, frustration and irritation. I allow myself to call myself ugly, then sweep away all the insults I give myself  under the rug. 'Enough self pity little girl, the world is rooting for you'. But to have your biggest insecurity confirmed and announced to a table of your friends, it just makes makes me have one more reason to hurt myself. But I would never end my life or hurt myself for that matter. Life, when you get rid of all the assholes, is pretty nice.

But then his friend just had to add "Well you know what they say, the truth hurts.". I just lashed out, I screamed in his face grabbed my backpack and walked as calmly as I could away from that part of my life. If I don't have to see those two ever again I am positive I'll lead a happier life.

I hope my fever doesn't come back. I hate my fever.

Well This Is Awkward

It seems that I am in a completely new place. Everyone's happy, everyone is well, what I wanted them to be. Happy. But now that people pair up like this I know it's only natural for them to lose dependency on me. It's akin to watching your children grow and leave. But I'm happy, they're happy. We get together less, I get ditched more often. But it's nice to see the smiles they get when they're happy.

What is the point of your needs when the people you love are happy?

And now all I can do is be happy. Because that's what I want to be. Happy.